puppet

Comprehension. Is it a lot to ask for, to comprehend what I'm saying 1st, before jumping down my throat and to conclusions?

I wish you would listen to me, hear me out before jumping to conclusions and start defending yourself. Never did I ever pointed the finger at you. You asked after me, and I tell you, and you start defending yourself. I never even put the blame at your doorstep. Your first priority is to defend yourself, and clear yourself of all the blame. Somehow, it always ends up being other peoples' fault. Somehow, you're always blame free. Every human being, even if you are a deity reincarnated, is never free of flaws and fault. How then, can you always be free of fault?

You don't even want to listen to my explanation. It's a waste of time and money and breath talking to you, trying to reason out things with you. I am only human. Even I have my weaknesses. I am no humanoid, not a robot, not a machine. I have my own thoughts and feelings. My emotions DO spike up and down.

I don't want to be caught between you both. It feels like I'm the mouse deer caught in between two warring elephants. It sucks because the both of you are equally important to me. It sucks even more because you both are making use of me, not physically, but emotionally and mentally. It sucks all the more because I can't explain to my baby how upset I feel, and end up taking it out on her. It sucks to the max because everything is so complicated.

Simplicity is something I've come to treasure and value. Everything should be simple and not in too many shades of overlapping gray. Many a things, my baby make it seem so simple. This only makes me love her all the more.

People tell me, knowledge is power. I say, not all knowledge is power. Many a times, knowledge brings pain and suffering. I've experienced that many times before. The more you know about something, the more likely you'll do something to prevent it if it's something less than pleasant. The more you try to prevent something, more often than not, you bring it upon yourself. I believe, what will happen, will happen. Why torture and torment yourself with the knowledge that it will happen? I rather live in ignorance.

I truly dislike this feeling. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I hate being made a toy, a real life, flesh and blood, toy. It's repulsive. I've decided I don't like politics after all.