foff

Ok. Remember a couple of posts ago, the letter to mysterious Ms. J? Well, turns out I was mistaken. Ms. J's name is Crystal.

So this ass of a person called Crystal, is freaking psychotic, delusional lunatic. She can go jump into the erupting volcano for all I care. She can try all she can, but I know, she won't succeed, because my baby and I have utter faith and trust in each other.

So yea, this is to you:

You can say all that, but at the end of the day, she's going to fall into my embrace, she's going to spend the rest of her life with me, and she sure as hell won't want you as a friend anymore. Nothing you do will drive us apart, because nothing can come between us.

吵架

还记得，昨天跟敏敏说，我们才吵过一次架。


都变了。也不知道，到底是如何发生的。


我只须要你每天陪我谈五分钟。。。 没人打插的五分钟。。。 好难吗？？


总觉得，you've got more time for others.


Do I not warrant any of your time as well?? Do I not deserve a couple of words with you without being interrupted or being put on hold?? I hardly do that to you. I put aside everything to talk to you. At least, give me some private moments to share with you. Your voice can do wonders for me. Just hearing it can uplift my mood. 塔莎，你回来吧。。。 不要跑到我跟不到的地方去，好不好？？

bimbo

I. Feel. Gay.



Why?



Sayang painted 3 of my left fingers PINK.



Light pink with glitter.



So. Gay.



Gosh.



I'm not only gay,



I even LOOK gay now.



**Faints**

Darkrai

I can barely breath
I miss you so

I try my best
But you're nowhere to be found

I look around
But all I see is darkness

I grope around
But I cant feel anything

I lose all sense of time
All sense of direction

I hugged my knees
Sank down to the floor

I was all alone
I feel lonely

I want to see
Your face

I want to feel
Your touch

I want to hear
You call my name

I want to taste
Friendship, joy and love

But it's all dark
With nothing save black

Letter

I hate people who call themselves friends and turn around and cast you down. The letter below ain't meant for any of my friends, so please, don't perasan case and think that I'm talking about you. This letter, is meant for my baby's friend, so called friend that is.

Dear J,

Seriously, I consider myself to be a rather open minded person. I can accept criticism and opinions from my friends. I don't bite at them for telling me to be cautious, for telling me not to put too much hope in it. I accept their views, and I respect them for telling me. But I know, at the end of the day, as long as I have her, it's going to be alright.

I really don't mind you sharing your views and your experience with her. In fact, I'll even sit down and listen to your stories. But, I don't like the way you're forcing it on her. By always telling her that this relationship between us will never ever work out, you're planting fear in my baby. You're making her depressed. As a friend, you should just be there for her. You can warn her and all that, but at the end of the day, don't keep telling her that it will never possibly work out.

I hate it that you keep trying to poison my baby's mind. You made her feel so upset she couldn't stop crying. As a lover, I can't bear to see the tears rolling down her cheek, 'cause to me, they are precious. Perhaps, as a friend, you don't give two hoots as to whether she cried the whole night. But I care. I hate it that YOU made her cry.

J,

You call yourself a friend. Why can't you see the pain you're causing her? The pain of me not being by her side is bad enough, she doesn't need the pain of fear that I would abandon her. That fear should be groundless, as I have no intention of casting her aside. I might not be perfect, but I'll not break her heart. She shouldn't even think about it. So why? Why must you instill in her the pain of that fear?

Can't you see that she is emotionally fragile? She's like a precious gem, the rarest of the lot. All she should get is love and attention and care. She doesn't need more worries or insecurities. Our relationship should be the one sustaining her, keeping her strong, not breaking her down. You're not helping things by telling her all those negative things.

Even I have friends, whose long distance relationships don't last. I have seen friends on both side of the fence, the ones who got dumped, and the ones who dump. They have seen the ups and downs of being in a long distance relationship. Sure, I do discuss my relationship with them. They did advice me, but never put me down. They make sure I know the pros and cons, and be by my side when I need them.

What I need is support, or the very least, no criticisms. That's what she needs too. She needs you to be there to care, to help guide her to avoid certain pitfalls. She doesn't need you to add to her troubles and worries. You made my precious so depressed, it hurts to hear her cry over the phone, and not be able to hold her close and show her how groundless her fears are.

J,

I swear to god, I'm going to make this work between me and my baby. I'll not let anything come between us, not even family, not even you. I'm going to prove you wrong, and show you that this relationship between me and my love is going to work. You won't be able to strike us down, because I know, there is something magical between the both of us, and there ain't nothing you can do or say to destroy or ruin it.

Fren'z fav

Lyrics | Sydney Forest - Once in a Blue Moon lyrics

3... 2.... 1

Countdowns. It's cool when it's only seconds, minutes, hours even. But to countdown days and months, it just isn't right. I mean, the wait is just so torturous.

She told me, to countdown is going to make it seem even longer. At that time, I didn't agree, but now, I totally agree with her. The figures still seem so huge even after what seemed like eternity. But somehow, part of me still wants to countdown the days.

I can't wait for her to come down. I want so much for her to be here. I can't wait to spend every day in her company. It's going to be my 1st time spending that much time with someone, but I can't wait. I've been looking forward to this since forever. Really really wish I could catch a glimpse of what it would be like 168 days down the road.

*Imagining*

But yea, I'm going to celebrate the so-called most important birthday with the most precious person in my life. What else could a girl ask for? (That doesn't mean no presents alright) I'm so going to celebrate with my parents, grandparents, seremban pals (if possible), and my kl pals. And she's going to be there by my side all the time.

I look forward to meals with her, tv together, cinema together, games together, and outings together. I just wanna hold her close whenever we're alone, and have her sit on my lap so i can hug her from behind while we're watching movies on the computer.

All in all, I want her to be here. I can't wait. This is even worse then Christmas. At least, Xmas comes earlier, and I don't know what presents I'll get, if any. But this! I already KNOW what I'm going to get. Grrr! I hate waiting!

puppet

Comprehension. Is it a lot to ask for, to comprehend what I'm saying 1st, before jumping down my throat and to conclusions?

I wish you would listen to me, hear me out before jumping to conclusions and start defending yourself. Never did I ever pointed the finger at you. You asked after me, and I tell you, and you start defending yourself. I never even put the blame at your doorstep. Your first priority is to defend yourself, and clear yourself of all the blame. Somehow, it always ends up being other peoples' fault. Somehow, you're always blame free. Every human being, even if you are a deity reincarnated, is never free of flaws and fault. How then, can you always be free of fault?

You don't even want to listen to my explanation. It's a waste of time and money and breath talking to you, trying to reason out things with you. I am only human. Even I have my weaknesses. I am no humanoid, not a robot, not a machine. I have my own thoughts and feelings. My emotions DO spike up and down.

I don't want to be caught between you both. It feels like I'm the mouse deer caught in between two warring elephants. It sucks because the both of you are equally important to me. It sucks even more because you both are making use of me, not physically, but emotionally and mentally. It sucks all the more because I can't explain to my baby how upset I feel, and end up taking it out on her. It sucks to the max because everything is so complicated.

Simplicity is something I've come to treasure and value. Everything should be simple and not in too many shades of overlapping gray. Many a things, my baby make it seem so simple. This only makes me love her all the more.

People tell me, knowledge is power. I say, not all knowledge is power. Many a times, knowledge brings pain and suffering. I've experienced that many times before. The more you know about something, the more likely you'll do something to prevent it if it's something less than pleasant. The more you try to prevent something, more often than not, you bring it upon yourself. I believe, what will happen, will happen. Why torture and torment yourself with the knowledge that it will happen? I rather live in ignorance.

I truly dislike this feeling. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I hate being made a toy, a real life, flesh and blood, toy. It's repulsive. I've decided I don't like politics after all.

poltergeist

So. Today is Li Hui, or better known among us as Camel's birthday. AND! We did it all in style. Trust me, when it comes to pranks, and us, it's bound to be messy and fun. :D

To make it special, we started celebrations at midnight, or rather, close to midnight. Jein was at my place since after dinner, to do the card, and stuff, and study a lil. And a big thank you to Esther, or else we would have all forgotten about the cake. *blushes*

So basically, the scenerio was like this: The card was done, the can of whipped cream in the fridge, the balloons were waiting to be filled, and both Esther and Jein were studying. Me and Mel were in the room, on the computer, when all of a sudden, Jein shouted: " LAURA!! WHY DIDN'T YOU REMIND ME ABOUT THE CAKE??!" I was shocked, I couldn't really get in a coherent thought. Then, we just piled into Jein's BF's car, drove by Jein, of course, and went to Cake Sense at SS15, SJ. Got this pandan cake, which is like, alternate layers of pandan sponge cake and pandan jelly. NICE!

Okok. So now the story really begins. Around 11. 30 or so, Jein and I made our way to Jein's place. Then I made a phone call to my GF. Talked to her for a short while, and told her I'll call her back after the surprise celebrations. Then Camel was asking me questions about my gf, and so the time passed. After getting the green light from Esther, we lured her over to Esther's place. She was on the phone for a while with her friend, when Jein kinda persuaded her to talk later.

When she was walking down the last stairway, ahead of me and Jein, she kinda turned around to talk to us. THAT, was the perfect opportunity for Esther and Mel. It was as if, LiHui knew they were there and presented them the perfect position to toss water balloons on her.

So so so. Can you imagine this? Me and Jein on the stairway, and LiHui, at the foot of the stairway, just turns around and talk to us, when all of a sudden, from behind the bushes, out comes Esther and Mel, each armed with a water balloon. Plop! Plop! Plop! Plak! And just like that, she got pelted with 4 balloons b4 she could even react. The best part was when Mel wanted to hit her with the 4th balloon.

*Mel holds the water balloon and laughs at LiHui, wanting to throw it at her.*
LiHui: (bends down as if in a bow) Here here.
(She was telling Mel to burst that balloon on her head)

That crazy woman was soaking wet from head to toe. :D :D Then they came over to our place. She thought it was over. *evil grin* She was talking to Esther, when yours truly (mischief pranker) comes out with a huge dollop of whipped cream and just smashes it into her face. *Muahahahahaha* She was SHOCKED! She even let me smear it all over her face, neck, and hands.

We took group pictures, and I smashed another mini cream pie on her face as well. *smirks* I just realized I really like doing all this. Feel like I kinda missed out on my childhood, not having ppl like this to play with. So bear with me for a few more years, I've got lots to catch up with. *winks*

It was really fun, and it was a success pranking and surprising her that night. I really enjoyed myself and with hopes, everybody did. Now, on to the next project! ;)

*Pictures next time alright? It takes forever to upload anything here.*

雨过晴天

Euphoria is defined as a state of very intense happiness and feelings of well-being. (Wikipedia, 2008)

So I have a pretty readable face. Apparently all my emotions are written on my face. Let me be the 1st to assure you it's not always that case. That only happens about 5 percent of the time.

But alright. I admit, I was in a state of euphoria when I got those emails from my beloved. I was down, upset, devastated, and emo for the past 1 week or so. But you can't exactly blame me, can you? Try not talking to the love of your life for a week, and not knowing if he/she is alright, den tell me if you're not emo, upset, down, and devastated. (Normally, I won't use 'devastated' but that was Jein's idea, so yeah)

Almost everyone of my friends advised me against this. Don't get me wrong, they're wonderful friends. Really concerned about me. Appreciate it, ppl. However, my heart told me otherwise. It told me to wait, even though the mind formed doubts. A lil naive, but it was worth it. My baby finally contacted me after so long. I feel a lil guilty for even doubting her.

When I saw those emails in the inbox, it was as if the sun miraculously appeared from nowhere, and the clouds just disperse. As if my day had brighten up. I never really known happiness till I met her. She's truly something, a vital part of my life. If I had it my way, we would never have to part.

One of these days, I shall have a full fledged post about my baby, complete with a picture. Till then, let me continue talking about my baby and how much I love that panda of mine? ;)

Cheerios ppl~!!

080808

So yeah. Before I start off with anything, lemme wish Gan Li HAPPY BIRTHDAY 1st of all. ;) Hope you enjoyed yourself today. Pity you're way over there in Aussie, else I could have pranked you or something in uni. :P

AND! The opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics 2008-08-08 was AWESOME!!! GOSH! I'm so fucking proud to be a Chinese. It was spectacular!! I really liked it very much. The performances, and most importantly, the fireworks. ;)

I mean, come on! The best part of the show HAS got to be the fireworks. Like hey! They really have a very very amazing show of fireworks. i mean like, hey! It sure took my breath away.

AND! One of the performances that I really enjoyed was the part where the Confucius scholars were reciting his work and there was this huge platform of raised characters on blocks. Wow. That was really, WOW.

rain

remember i said that i wish it would rain so that i could run out into the rain and just let it wash away my pain and sorrow? ok. perhaps not those exact words. but still. you get the picture.

anyhow. it rained yesterday afternoon. the heavy kind with a lil fog. i purposely walked in the pouring rain. i felt the cold wind making its presence. perhaps it's too much, because i started crying again.

call me weak, call me foolish. i really can't take not hearing from her. i'm sorry if i'm devastated, emo, moody, upset, sad and what not. i just miss her so much it really hurts. but i've decided, no matter what, i'll continue loving her. forever. but i won't go around moping. i'll treasure this love within me.

but missing her always ain't really the main reason for the tears yesterday. the rain made me remember her promise to take a scroll in the rain together with me. i would love to do exactly that, and a lil more if you get my meaning. you noe, i just think that kissing under the rain is just so sexy and is such a turn on. not that i ever kissed under the rain before, i just feel that it is. forgive me yang, but many things can be a turn on for me.

the main reason for the tears is, she proposed to me on a rainy day. i noe, many of you feel that it's too soon to talk about marriage. i mean, it's just been 2 months, and she has already proposed. some think it's too soon, some think it's a joke, some just have no comment. monkie asked me how do i noe that she's the one for me. well. i might not have much experience, but, i suppose, you just do. for me, to date, she's the only one i can imagine growing old with, and spending the rest of my life with. she's the one i can picture loving after years of being together.

not being able to talk to my future wife is just such torture. but because i love her, i'll live life with a smile on my face. i deserve to, and i know she would want me to. it sure sounds as if i'm living my life for her. but it's not. to me it's not.

wreckage

Emotional wreck. I never thought I would use that to describe me. But that is exactly what I am right now. All because I cant get my girlfriend on the phone after I get a text message telling me something bad happened to her.

I lose the appetite to eat. I look mopey and down and goddamn emo right now. I feel like isolating myself from the people around me. Don't get me wrong, they're amazing people. I just don't feel like seeing them. I wish it would rain. I just want to run out in the rain with someone and just dance around. I want to splash in the puddles, and perhaps, just cry my heart out.

I've never cried much in my life. I'm just so worried, and scared that I'll lose her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her so much I just can't bear to ever have her gone from my life. I wish there was someone I knew in USA, that could help me get news about her. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but not hearing from her these past few days is like torture. Heard of 'heaven on earth'? Well, this is more like 'hell on earth' for me.

Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

爱哭鬼

人， 最堕落的时候，总是在深夜中。


以夜的黑暗，隐瞒自己最深的感情。


我，不晓得，何时变得这么依赖你。


我的全部，都给了她。


她的全部，变成了我最珍惜的一切。


听不到她的声音，我成了热窝上的蚂蚁。


知道她出了事，而我，却束手无持，无能为力。


心好疼，不知如何形容。


只知道，想哭。


可是，哭了，心情还是一样，难受。


想找个人，狠狠地抱住，痛快地把心中所有的无奈，无助，完全爆出来。


能使我变得这么脆弱的人，也是我要抱的人。


她，不在我身旁。但，她却无声无影地把我的心偷走。


她，把我变成一个爱哭鬼。


她，使我又爱又恨。

seven evan

Was tagged by none other den my beloved Jie. Anyway. Enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy doing it. (To take my mind off stuff)

7 facts about me:-
- hates going for classes, the mind always seems to drift off during classes
- spec-y
- only child
- fucking hopeless romantic
- night ghost
- madly in love right now
- loves music

7 things that scare me:-
- cockroaches
- losing her
- being all alone in this world
- failing all my subjects
- horror flicks
- being rejected
- losing the ones i love

7 songs playing in my mind:-
- Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade
- Unbreakable by Fireflight
- Forever and a Day by Marc Anthony (Saving Face OST)
- Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx
- I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
- Everything by Micheal Learns To Rock
- Better In Time by Leona Lewis

7 valuable things in my life:-
- the love of my life
- my friends
- music
- my phone
- my family
- my computer
- my pets

7 'first times' in my life:-
- Went to Australia (1994)
- Went on stage (2004)
- Fell in love (2008)
- Clarity on preference (2006)
- Stepped into a club/bar (2006)
- Failed paper (2007)
- Singing out loud to and for someone (2008)

7 words/things I always use:-
- I love you
- I miss you
- Babi
- Damn
- I've got a surprise for you
- Not emo
- What is your problem, woman?!

7 friends that I wanna tag:-
- Ganli
- Anne
- Darling
- LiShan
- Jein
- Sayang
- whoever that wants to do this

Re: Beginnings

Needs

I don't need the adventure of my life,
I don't need my name to go down in History,
I don't need the world to bow at my feet.

I don't need many friends save a handful,
I don't need many enemies save a couple,
I don't need many lovers save one.

All I need is
A true friend to watch out for me
An enemy to push me to reach my full potential
A lover who treats me right.

I found my true friend,
My lifelong enemy,
and my true love.

The love of my life,
Whom I feel like I've known forever,
Is the one I'm dedicating this to.

I love it when she makes me smile,
I love it when she teases me,
I love it when she is trying to make me divulge my surprises.

I'm scared to lose her
I'm scared to wake up one day and find her gone
I'm scared that it's all but a dream.

I would face my friends for her
I would face my family for her
I would face the whole world for her

I want to stand up tall and tell the whole world she's mine
I want to prove that this is not just a summer's fling
I want to show that it IS possible to fall for someone you've met through the Net.

Love transcends nations,
Love transcends culture,
Love transcends religion.

Baby,
I don't need you to travel the world
Nor perform a historical feat

All I want from you,
Is that you love me for who I am,
And be with me, for good or bad.

Stay by my side,
Day and night,
Is all I ask from you.

I love you
and I intend on spending my lifetime loving you,
my princess.