Lost

It was pitch dark. She tentatively stretched out her hands, hoping to find something, feel something but to no avail. She couldn't even see her outstretched fingers. Picking herself up, she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to stay calm. Taking deep breaths, telling herself everything was alright, she couldn't help but feel the faint tendrils of panic threatening to flood her mind and senses.

Silence. It was pressing down on her. The sound of her heart sounded like thunder to her ears. It did not help that her heart beat was getting faster and more erratic. Panic. That was all she could think of, despite her best efforts not to. Moments of trying to fight the surge of fear and helplessness, it proved too great for her to overcome. Her eyes were wild when they flew open, and she just started running. Running from the silence, from the darkness all around her.

Run. Run. Run. That was all she could hear in her mind. It resonant with her heartbeat, and run she did. How long was she running, she had not the slightest clue. Run. Run. Run. It was almost hypnotic. North. South. East. West. She did not know. No matter how far she ran, no matter which direction she ran, it was the same darkness, the same silence that surrounded her.

She stumbled. Falling into a heap on the floor, she started crying. She tried to push herself up, only to fall once more. Her legs were complaining about the abuse she put them through, and her heart was racing. She just cried. Sitting there, crying, all she was aware of was how alone she was. That made her sob even harder.

Voices. Soon, softly at first, strains of sounds came to her ears. She looked up, sniffing, but saw nothing. Voices, though, she heard. They gradually got louder.

She doesn't need you. You mean nothing to her. She's fine without you. She can live her life just fine without you. What could you give her anyway? Always throwing fits and tantrums just to gain her attention. She doesn't want to give you any attention, because you're nothing. You're not worth any of her time. Why should she care about you? She could have anyone she wants. She's only toying with your emotions, laughing at you from the shadows. Why should she want someone as pathetic as you, if not just to amuse herself?

The voices she heard, the words they were saying, hurt. She shouted: SHE LOVES ME. I'M THE ONLY ONE SHE WANTS. SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT. The voices just laughed at her.

She doesn't love you. She just says she does, but you know very well she doesn't. She never kept any of her promises to you. All those talk about her coming to visit you, that you're family, that you're the only one for her. You know it's just a lie. Her love for you is a lie.

NO! She... She loves me. She fought for me. She introduced her family to me. She called me her wife. She addresses me as mommie to the kid, our kid.

Sure she did. And he's how old? He doesn't know any better. And she called you her wife? Funny, you're not even wearing a ring. What about your marriage certificate? How do you know it's your name on the child adoption papers? IF there really is one.

STOP. Just stop! She stood up in defiance and started running again. Running from the hateful voices. She kept running, just like the tears kept chasing each other down her cheek. She could still hear the voices. They did not dim, but rather magnify in volume. Echoing in the darkness about how pathetic she was.

She just ran.