5.
I saw.
I saw the clear blue sky, on a summer's day;
A rainbow after the rain.
I see,
Night reigns supreme.
4.
I heard.
I heard the church bells on a Sunday morning, loud and clear;
The softest whisper of a lover.
Right now,
Everything's covered in a golden haze.
3.
I smelt.
I smelt the ocean in the breeze,
The various fragrance donned by the fairer sex.
I discern nothing at present,
And am as useful as a talentless sommelier.
2.
I tasted.
I tasted freshly caught fish on a Japanese boat,
A magnitude of flavors in a home-cooked dish.
I taste, a worldrenowed dish prepared by a master chef,
And of my extensive vocabulary, none save one fits the bill: bland.
1.
I felt.
I felt the sun on my face, the wind in my hair;
The joy of making you smile, hearing you laugh.
I feel,
The emptiness that threatens to swallow everything in sight.
0.
You're like a snowflake, the ambrosia of immortals.
Like the wind you are, yet as human as a thief.
A changed man I am, yet not for the better,
From your absence a void came into existence.
If being without you means nothing is right, then Death shall claim my mortal shell.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Belonging
I reached out a hand, to gently caress your cheek. You stood there, looking at me with those beautiful green eyes of yours, unwavering. I smiled, and your face mirrored mine. We stood there, looking into each others' eyes. Not a sound, not a word. The only movements were the slight heaving of our chests as we breathe and the slow caress of my thumb across your cheek.
We stood there, losing track of the time. You sighed, closed your eyes and leaned into my touch. You opened your eyes and this time, there were tears. You were crying. I saw your pain, hurt, confusion, love and a whole myriad of emotions play in those tear filled orbs of yours.
You brought a hand to my face. I closed my eyes and nuzzle into your palm. You brushed away the tracks the tears left as they streaked down my face. I cried. I opened my eyes and saw them mirrored in yours. Everything I felt, everything I am, was reflected in yours.
Everything moved in a buzz around us, but time stood still for you and me. A heartbeat, a fraction of a second, seemed like eternity. I heard your heartbeat, echoing mine. I smiled, and you smiled back. You know, as did I, this feeling of belonging.
We stood there, losing track of the time. You sighed, closed your eyes and leaned into my touch. You opened your eyes and this time, there were tears. You were crying. I saw your pain, hurt, confusion, love and a whole myriad of emotions play in those tear filled orbs of yours.
You brought a hand to my face. I closed my eyes and nuzzle into your palm. You brushed away the tracks the tears left as they streaked down my face. I cried. I opened my eyes and saw them mirrored in yours. Everything I felt, everything I am, was reflected in yours.
Everything moved in a buzz around us, but time stood still for you and me. A heartbeat, a fraction of a second, seemed like eternity. I heard your heartbeat, echoing mine. I smiled, and you smiled back. You know, as did I, this feeling of belonging.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Haven
Do you know what it feels like, knowing that someone that your soul is calling out for?
Do you know what it feels like, floating on air?
Do you know what it feels like, to be able to bare your heart out to someone and still have them accept you?
I do.
Do you know what disappointment tastes like?
Do you know what sorrow tastes like?
Do you know what emptiness tastes like?
I do.
Have you ever lay in bed at night, and just stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep?
Have you ever felt a part of you dying, bit by bit?
Have you ever tasted the pain after having your hopes dashed?
I have.
Have you ever experience an emotional roller coaster ride?
Have you ever felt that you've been taken granted for despite assurances that you're important?
Have you ever tried to concentrate on the work at hand, only to have your thoughts fly the exact opposite direction?
I have.
Should I let you know how I feel?
Should I let go of my insecurities?
Should I let you into my heart of hearts?
I should.
Should I give you a taste of your own medicine?
Should I turn the tables on you?
Should I learn not to expect anything?
I should.
There are many things I ought to do, should do.
Just like there are many things I know, I've experienced.
I'm not as strong as you think I am,
Not as capable as you perceive me to be,
Not as magnificent as you portray me to be.
Hopelessly caught in this tidal wave,
I can only pray:
I find a safe haven,
A place to call home.
Do you know what it feels like, floating on air?
Do you know what it feels like, to be able to bare your heart out to someone and still have them accept you?
I do.
Do you know what disappointment tastes like?
Do you know what sorrow tastes like?
Do you know what emptiness tastes like?
I do.
Have you ever lay in bed at night, and just stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep?
Have you ever felt a part of you dying, bit by bit?
Have you ever tasted the pain after having your hopes dashed?
I have.
Have you ever experience an emotional roller coaster ride?
Have you ever felt that you've been taken granted for despite assurances that you're important?
Have you ever tried to concentrate on the work at hand, only to have your thoughts fly the exact opposite direction?
I have.
Should I let you know how I feel?
Should I let go of my insecurities?
Should I let you into my heart of hearts?
I should.
Should I give you a taste of your own medicine?
Should I turn the tables on you?
Should I learn not to expect anything?
I should.
There are many things I ought to do, should do.
Just like there are many things I know, I've experienced.
I'm not as strong as you think I am,
Not as capable as you perceive me to be,
Not as magnificent as you portray me to be.
Hopelessly caught in this tidal wave,
I can only pray:
I find a safe haven,
A place to call home.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Lost
It was pitch dark. She tentatively stretched out her hands, hoping to find something, feel something but to no avail. She couldn't even see her outstretched fingers. Picking herself up, she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to stay calm. Taking deep breaths, telling herself everything was alright, she couldn't help but feel the faint tendrils of panic threatening to flood her mind and senses.
Silence. It was pressing down on her. The sound of her heart sounded like thunder to her ears. It did not help that her heart beat was getting faster and more erratic. Panic. That was all she could think of, despite her best efforts not to. Moments of trying to fight the surge of fear and helplessness, it proved too great for her to overcome. Her eyes were wild when they flew open, and she just started running. Running from the silence, from the darkness all around her.
Run. Run. Run. That was all she could hear in her mind. It resonant with her heartbeat, and run she did. How long was she running, she had not the slightest clue. Run. Run. Run. It was almost hypnotic. North. South. East. West. She did not know. No matter how far she ran, no matter which direction she ran, it was the same darkness, the same silence that surrounded her.
She stumbled. Falling into a heap on the floor, she started crying. She tried to push herself up, only to fall once more. Her legs were complaining about the abuse she put them through, and her heart was racing. She just cried. Sitting there, crying, all she was aware of was how alone she was. That made her sob even harder.
Voices. Soon, softly at first, strains of sounds came to her ears. She looked up, sniffing, but saw nothing. Voices, though, she heard. They gradually got louder.
She doesn't need you. You mean nothing to her. She's fine without you. She can live her life just fine without you. What could you give her anyway? Always throwing fits and tantrums just to gain her attention. She doesn't want to give you any attention, because you're nothing. You're not worth any of her time. Why should she care about you? She could have anyone she wants. She's only toying with your emotions, laughing at you from the shadows. Why should she want someone as pathetic as you, if not just to amuse herself?
The voices she heard, the words they were saying, hurt. She shouted: SHE LOVES ME. I'M THE ONLY ONE SHE WANTS. SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT. The voices just laughed at her.
She doesn't love you. She just says she does, but you know very well she doesn't. She never kept any of her promises to you. All those talk about her coming to visit you, that you're family, that you're the only one for her. You know it's just a lie. Her love for you is a lie.
NO! She... She loves me. She fought for me. She introduced her family to me. She called me her wife. She addresses me as mommie to the kid, our kid.
Sure she did. And he's how old? He doesn't know any better. And she called you her wife? Funny, you're not even wearing a ring. What about your marriage certificate? How do you know it's your name on the child adoption papers? IF there really is one.
STOP. Just stop! She stood up in defiance and started running again. Running from the hateful voices. She kept running, just like the tears kept chasing each other down her cheek. She could still hear the voices. They did not dim, but rather magnify in volume. Echoing in the darkness about how pathetic she was.
She just ran.
Silence. It was pressing down on her. The sound of her heart sounded like thunder to her ears. It did not help that her heart beat was getting faster and more erratic. Panic. That was all she could think of, despite her best efforts not to. Moments of trying to fight the surge of fear and helplessness, it proved too great for her to overcome. Her eyes were wild when they flew open, and she just started running. Running from the silence, from the darkness all around her.
Run. Run. Run. That was all she could hear in her mind. It resonant with her heartbeat, and run she did. How long was she running, she had not the slightest clue. Run. Run. Run. It was almost hypnotic. North. South. East. West. She did not know. No matter how far she ran, no matter which direction she ran, it was the same darkness, the same silence that surrounded her.
She stumbled. Falling into a heap on the floor, she started crying. She tried to push herself up, only to fall once more. Her legs were complaining about the abuse she put them through, and her heart was racing. She just cried. Sitting there, crying, all she was aware of was how alone she was. That made her sob even harder.
Voices. Soon, softly at first, strains of sounds came to her ears. She looked up, sniffing, but saw nothing. Voices, though, she heard. They gradually got louder.
She doesn't need you. You mean nothing to her. She's fine without you. She can live her life just fine without you. What could you give her anyway? Always throwing fits and tantrums just to gain her attention. She doesn't want to give you any attention, because you're nothing. You're not worth any of her time. Why should she care about you? She could have anyone she wants. She's only toying with your emotions, laughing at you from the shadows. Why should she want someone as pathetic as you, if not just to amuse herself?
The voices she heard, the words they were saying, hurt. She shouted: SHE LOVES ME. I'M THE ONLY ONE SHE WANTS. SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT. The voices just laughed at her.
She doesn't love you. She just says she does, but you know very well she doesn't. She never kept any of her promises to you. All those talk about her coming to visit you, that you're family, that you're the only one for her. You know it's just a lie. Her love for you is a lie.
NO! She... She loves me. She fought for me. She introduced her family to me. She called me her wife. She addresses me as mommie to the kid, our kid.
Sure she did. And he's how old? He doesn't know any better. And she called you her wife? Funny, you're not even wearing a ring. What about your marriage certificate? How do you know it's your name on the child adoption papers? IF there really is one.
STOP. Just stop! She stood up in defiance and started running again. Running from the hateful voices. She kept running, just like the tears kept chasing each other down her cheek. She could still hear the voices. They did not dim, but rather magnify in volume. Echoing in the darkness about how pathetic she was.
She just ran.
Dreams
Dreams. They go back a long way, don't they? Some people say, dreams are just a figment of imagination, some say, it's your subconscious trying to tell you something, and some even say dreams are premonitions. Some use scientific jargon to explain dreams, talking about sleeping stages and brain waves; some use religion to make sense of dreams and what they mean, what they represent.
For me, I figure, dreams are a manifestation of the subconscious. I believe, many things happen during our waking hours, and we may, consciously or subconsciously be aware of things. The mind does curious things at times. Certain issues, certain thoughts, certain emotions are repressed, knowingly or unknowingly, and I believe, dreams are essentially a state of mind where you lose any self control or inhibitions.
So. Assuming that my description of dreams is acceptable, recurring dreams have a certain kind of meaning behind it, doesn't it? A friend of mine was talking to me earlier on, telling me about a certain recurring dream. Unsurprisingly, it brought back memories. Memories I thought I had long buried away.
What was this dream about? Well, her fiancee dreamt that she was sleeping around with other women, and she's convinced that my friend doesn't want to be with her anymore. Why did I say it brought back memories? I'll let you in on something. Tasha went through that stage before. The whole you're-sleeping-with-another-woman-don't-you-want-me stage. Yeah. Messed up as it is, they both dreamt about something very similar. To make things even more interesting, this friend of mine? Her fiancee? They're both Tasha's best friends. Ironic? Perhaps.
I figure, this has something to do with insecurities. Whether they were aware of it, or not, they're afraid. Either afraid that we would leave them, or they're not good enough for us. Whichever it is, it's not good, is it? If dreams are indeed a manifestation of the subconscious, then why is it not everyone dreams?
A correction of the assumption would therefore seem appropriate. The strongest underlying issue or emotion would therefore be portrayed through dreams. Recurence would therefore signify the strength of the matter at hand.
BAH! Science be damned! Philosophy be damned! Nightmares ain't fun, worse when you're not the one having nightmares but have to pay the price. How are you supposed to convince someone, that they are the one you want, when their doubt is so strong, that it comes out as a nightmare? It's not an issue that occured overnight, but more like, an accumulation of it. Kind of like, a volcano, the pressure builds up till it erupts, only in this case, it comes in the form of a nightmare.
God! Why would they even think that we would leave them? Ok. So part of insecurities is irrational. But dear god, we love them both enough to want to marry them, doesn't that say something about how committed we are to them? I'm not free from insecurities either, so I guess I can't judge them. But. Gah. This is frustrating.
=(
i had a nightmare too.
For me, I figure, dreams are a manifestation of the subconscious. I believe, many things happen during our waking hours, and we may, consciously or subconsciously be aware of things. The mind does curious things at times. Certain issues, certain thoughts, certain emotions are repressed, knowingly or unknowingly, and I believe, dreams are essentially a state of mind where you lose any self control or inhibitions.
So. Assuming that my description of dreams is acceptable, recurring dreams have a certain kind of meaning behind it, doesn't it? A friend of mine was talking to me earlier on, telling me about a certain recurring dream. Unsurprisingly, it brought back memories. Memories I thought I had long buried away.
What was this dream about? Well, her fiancee dreamt that she was sleeping around with other women, and she's convinced that my friend doesn't want to be with her anymore. Why did I say it brought back memories? I'll let you in on something. Tasha went through that stage before. The whole you're-sleeping-with-another-woman-don't-you-want-me stage. Yeah. Messed up as it is, they both dreamt about something very similar. To make things even more interesting, this friend of mine? Her fiancee? They're both Tasha's best friends. Ironic? Perhaps.
I figure, this has something to do with insecurities. Whether they were aware of it, or not, they're afraid. Either afraid that we would leave them, or they're not good enough for us. Whichever it is, it's not good, is it? If dreams are indeed a manifestation of the subconscious, then why is it not everyone dreams?
A correction of the assumption would therefore seem appropriate. The strongest underlying issue or emotion would therefore be portrayed through dreams. Recurence would therefore signify the strength of the matter at hand.
BAH! Science be damned! Philosophy be damned! Nightmares ain't fun, worse when you're not the one having nightmares but have to pay the price. How are you supposed to convince someone, that they are the one you want, when their doubt is so strong, that it comes out as a nightmare? It's not an issue that occured overnight, but more like, an accumulation of it. Kind of like, a volcano, the pressure builds up till it erupts, only in this case, it comes in the form of a nightmare.
God! Why would they even think that we would leave them? Ok. So part of insecurities is irrational. But dear god, we love them both enough to want to marry them, doesn't that say something about how committed we are to them? I'm not free from insecurities either, so I guess I can't judge them. But. Gah. This is frustrating.
=(
i had a nightmare too.