When is it time to let go? When is it time to move on? Dad once said, expect nothing from people, then you won’t end up disappointed. An act of kindness, an act of friendship will be more appreciated if there were no expectations in the beginning.
The more I think about it, the truer the words ring. Yet, I can’t help but have expectations. Perhaps it’s all this being sick business. Perhaps, it’s like what you said, I think too much. Both things coupled up, making me want… something. I only told a few people my condition, and you were the 1st. in a sense, your response was… disappointing. I guess, I was expecting a less indifferent response from you. All you said was take care. Even my FRIEND gave me more personal replies. Even as a friend, the response was warmer. I expected more from you. Instead, I end up feeling let down. It’s as if, I’m nothing but a shooting star in your life. Perhaps, it should be that case. I wonder, what do you want from me? How do you want me to treat you? As an acquaintance? As a close friend? As a normal friend? Or something else? I’m so tired of the uncertainty. And your actions are confusing. I’ve come to believe that there was a period whereby you were avoiding me. When I asked you what’s wrong, why didn’t you say anything? And now, you’re treating me as if you’re the receptionist, and I’m the client. So impersonal, so cold.
I feel so alone at times like this. My parents are back at home; my outstation friends are not back yet. Times like this, I miss 28, SS15/2F. I felt as if that was my 2nd home. Celine, Juin… they were like sisters I never had, in a sense. My heart is breaking as I’m writing this. Somehow I want to break down and cry, but something is holding my tears back. I HATE being ill. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. The sadness, the loneliness is killing me. Literally.
I guess. All I want is concern. Someone other than my mom to fuss over me. I want attention, I admit. Instead, I get cold shouldered. How nice.
No comments:
Post a Comment