dark thoughts

You know. It's hard. Getting to know someone real intimately, would mean opening up to that someone. That someone whom you are comfortable with, being friends and more. That someone you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets and fears.
If I asked you, how much do you truly know me. How would you answer me? It's easy for me to be there for people. I've been doing that practically my entire life. But when I really need a shoulder, to whom can I turn to?
Being a clown is easy. Acting like one is simple. Living like one is hell.
Entertaining friends. Humouring them. Listen to them talk. It's all nothing but a cliche. I wear a mask everyday. Everyday you see me, you see the mask I wear. How could you have known otherwise? Me, who have never ever lost rein of my emotions before. I let you see who I wish you to know. But I'm so tired of it. How I wish... That my life wasn't this fucking complicated. It's such a fearsome weary burden to shoulder.
Bare my soul. Can I ever do that? I wonder that from time to time. And the answer would always be in the shadows. Accepting that, this feelings and thoughts would subside into nothing. But thinking about it, makes me realize, it DID NOT subside, merely hidden.
Would I ever be released from this? I want so much to truly have a carefree life. One without this dreadful burden. The worst burden one can carry is the burden of secrets. Why do you think I have a hard time trusting people?
Bare my soul. Is it possible?