flames

a stranger drifting amidst the crowds
a lone ranger staring at the faces of the passer-bys,
all with smiles and laughter to accompany their actions.
all turned towards the person next to them,
to be greeted with a smile and a light of recognition in their eyes.

looking forlornly into space,
leaning against the wall,
he creates the impression of being self-sufficient.
self-sufficient and bored,
as if whatever that's happening is very monotonous.

deep down,
he's lonely and scared.
lonely 'cause he has nobody to share his tales and aches,
scared 'cause he has no one to rely on when things get grim and bleak.

he wants to reach out into the sea of strangers in front of him,
to find a friend, and be a friend,
but is afraid of rejection.
instead, he withdraws into himself,
creating a space between him and the world.
he sees them, but they cant see him.

to be tat man is tiring,
and hurting.
'cause at the end of the day,
he will be on the losing end.
never knowing how to be a friend,
how it's like to be treated as a friend.

it take two to clap.
without fuel, there can be no fire.
treasure your friendship while it lasts
dun let the fire die out.
say goodbye need not mean
forever more.
say goodbye should be, but a term.

thanks for being a good fren.
i wish you all da best,
and tat no matter how close or not we were,
we will still be frenz.
the fire should burn beyond time,
as long as we keep it alive,
and not douse it....

失去

失去
我一直认为你就是我最要好的朋友,
这五年里边,你确实帮我不少,
我真的好感激,好感激你,
我以为我们这五年的感情
回比海还深,
比石头还坚固,
但,那天,
因为我的那段话,
这五年多的感情竟在几十分钟内断裂了,
它,粉碎得如此彻底,
尽管努力尝试地把它给缝合,
但那痕印还是如此地耀眼;
那种心疼,
那种伤心,
并不像洪水般,如此澎湃,
但却是如地下泉般,如此地隐约,
它,
慢慢地流,流入一个无底洞,
当连那无底洞都溢满时,
它才静悄悄地从脸庞滑下......

frm me to you
你说过，我们是好朋友。。。
这五年来，我们的感情蛮好，
友谊也蛮坚固。。。

你那一段话，
可真的伤透了我的心。。
不是我不珍惜我们这份友情，
但却伤痕还深，
我还需要时间。。。。。

你就让我一个人吧。。。。。。。
我很抱歉。。如果你觉得我对你冷淡。。。。。
one thing i can say for sure,
we will still remain as frenz...

for jwu wey

so sorry i missed your bday
the day u came into tis world 18 yrs ago
bringing with you
light, joy and laughter.

you're such a good fren
always there for me whenever i was down
u supported me no matter wat

chatting wif you always brings a smile to my face
smsing you is a relief from the everyday life
getting to noe you
is one of the nice things SAM has to offer.

the only thing i regret
is not able to share your burden
seeing u suffer and hide your pain
stabs my heart each time i see you like tat

i wish i could be as good a fren to you
as you were to me..
and tis i write for u,
coz i feel bad for merely wishing u
happy bday....
with luck,
tis will bring a smile to your face..... :D

determination

i've come to an decision.
i've decided to let you go.
it's a hard thing to do,
but it seems right.
i refuse to try and change the situation.
much as i want to be by your side,
i dont want to change things as they are now.

as long as you are happy,
i'm satisfied.
tis is the right decision.
and much as i hate it,
i muz summon up enough willpower
to see me through all this.

i wish you happiness.
stay happy always.
if ever you are unhappy,
i'm here... always...

heartfelt

i lay down,
looking at the stars above,
thinking and thinking.

my mind drifts off,
to the time we first met.

we were strangers to each other,
a new unknown in the sea of faces.
far spread are our roots,
but similiar are our characters.

i gravitated to you,
coz perhaps, i saw me in you.

thinking back,
on how you acted,
talked,
and thought.

i know,
you are the one.

i'm truly grateful,
for all that you are.

a good fren,
a good listener,
a good pal.

i wont say that
we were close from the beginning.
but for now,
you are the one person
i trust with all my heart.

in this,
i bare my heart and soul.
in you,
i lay my trust....

the wake

right now, as i'm blogging, i take comfort in finishing a stick of ice cream.
tis will be a normal post, without much fancy language.
let's recap the weekend.
friday nite, i was watching tis drame series till 4 am.. :D i went to bed tired, but satisfied as i finally got to watch after 1 week of trials. mom woke up 1 hr 30 minutes later to get ready to go school.. yea.. i noe... school on a saturday??? turns out they had to have a replacement day... dad woke me up at 8. 30 and v had breakfast. thn tis gal here chose to go back to bed as she was freaking tired.. haha... pop! to bed i went.. woke at 11 and had a bath. thn followed dad out to school. chatted with one of my juniors, Pei Sun, till almost 1. thn went down to find mom.
v went home, and had lunch. during lunch, i remembered dad asking me to pass on a msg to mom tat grandma called. so mom called back. and v had d shock of our lives. grand uncle willie had passed away at 12 midnight, friday. we were shocked. i felt, and so did mom, that we had to make tis trip to kl. dad cant make it for certain reasons.
on the way to the train station, in the car, suddenly the reality set in. i could feel myself tearing.
basically, i'm bit surprised. i never expected to cry for a person i'm hardly close with. i cried again for a short while while waiting for the train to come. when we reached Trinity Church, and i saw grand auntie gan, it was a whole different story.

her eyes were soulless, she was lost. i sensed great pain and grief in her. i could see that she has lost her sense of direction and purpose. it was as if she was blundering in the dark, searching for something, but cant find it. it wsa as if she was suddenly put into this foreign land, with nothing and nobody to help her. i see as if she was put in the spotlight, all alone, with suppressed feelings and emotions. i felt such sorrow and hurt and pain, just by looking at her face.

in fact, i felt the pain from everyone there. but more so from the immediate family, namely uncle david, aunty anne and uncle kevin. i pity them. my heart went out to them, especially g.auntie gan... the poor dear...
there is so much more i want to say and write, but i just dont have to heart to write it down anymore. so i shall just leave right here.