bit of everything.....

i nvr realized how lonesome it gets....
i miss sch, i miss my frenz,
i miss being able to do duty,
i miss my juniors,
i miss sitting in d prefect room, after duties and juz chit chat.. ( nt tht ppl chat wif me often)
i miss lessons in a big, hot classroom....
i miss the noise when there is no teacher/btwn classes
i miss the old times....
if only time can be reversed....
if only i could bottled up time,
i would save those times in a jar and keep it by me always....
it might nt have been pleasant for me always.
i might have gotten ignored thousands of times...
bt still would i treasure those times...
at least, i had my frenz wif me...
only a phone call away....

was THIS all a mistake??
was i wrong in trying 2 achieve my dreams??
was i wrong in wanting freedom??
until u lose it, then will you appreciate it....
i thought my frenz cared....
bt it's always me who mainly made d 1st move...

i feel neglected...
i was, am, possibly will always be, ignored at times...
am i really so unattractive a person to not be able your frenship??
i feel like a clown..
smiling always on the outside...
quietly breaking down on the inside..
ppl think that it is easy for me..
studies and stuff.....

bt i dun mind giving up part of it juz to be able to fit in....
yet...
i juz AM..... i cant change d way i am....
i'm nt extrovert, rather,
much introvert....
i no longer noe wat i wan anymore...
i always assumed that those whos' frenship i value above most would always be there..
i nvr for once, thought that it would come tis...
i nvr thought tat TIS could be happening....
i feel as if i'm in a room,
trapped by four walls, and no doors, no windows....
and the walls are closing in....

it aches....
so much so tat i can hardly draw a breath w/o stilling my emotions....
ppl dun see it.... all they see is juz a projected ice-queen, cant be bothered, smart ass imej....
have i rili perfected tat look so well?? so much so tat it is flawless??

frenz.....
where are you when i needed someone??
where are you when i silently called for help??
where are you when all i wanted was ur support??
where are you when juz a msg would suffice??

i noe, i hardly msg u....
perhaps i am expecting too much....
bt i thought we were frenz....

still i would treasure the times v once shared....
at least, 曾经拥有终比不曾有好.......
i guess.........