personality

i jus realized,
how could i been so blind??
how could i nt have seen, tat it would nvr change??
i tot interference could change destiny,
bt it seems tat i was wrong.

some ppl glow in the limelight,
some ppl blend in with the surroundings,
living life their way, without interference.

some ppl are neither here, nor there.
not in the limelight, not at the sidewalk.
their presence are assumed, yet, their absence is noticed.

i feel tat i am neither there nor here,
even since primary.
english at home, chinese in sch.
hardly fitting in, juz is.

i tot my prob will be solved if i dismissed the english within.
n so i had fun during high sch.
undeniably i love high sch.
i met some of my great frenz there.......
in short, there was a sense of belonging........

or so i tot.
thinking back, i nvr really was an integral part of the sociaties i joined.
juz a normal violinist looking on, juz an ordinary prefect doin wat shud be done.
juz a student, taking part in her class activities.....
bt somehow, always as an outsider looking in....
the heart was left untouched......

part of me wans to open up to others....
juz pour out my deepest secrets,
my darkest fears,
still, something holds me back....

i'm so sick of this feeling...
i dun wan to be wat i used to be....
an outsider wif an insider view.
it sucks.
it's hateful.
it's juz how i am........

i've learn to come to terms with it....
trying hard to be in the thick of things....
yet.... it's so hard......
and i'm so tired.........
sick of battles............
sick of trying.............
perhaps tis is how it shud be.....
i dunno......
...................
...................

i feel like crying out loud..............