confidence much?

Love. A four letter word. Unexplainable by literature or science or theories. A feeling, hard to grasp, hard to comprehend, hard to obtain. How do people feel, when they say they love you? What does it signify? What is it supposed to mean? How are you supposed to feel? What is the difference between loving someone, and falling in love with someone?

How do you know, that you love someone, and that you want to spend your life loving them? When they tell you, you mean everything to them, and that they love you with all their heart, how do you know if they mean it? Love with all their heart, is that possible?

My theory is that, when you're in love with someone, there is a spark. Which leads to the question, what is this 'spark'? How do you recognize this 'spark'? How are you supposed to feel, loving someone as compared to being in love with someone? Someone once told me, it's possible to be in a relationship with someone, loving them but not being in love with them.

So how do you know that he/she is the one for you? How are you supposed to feel whether that person is going to be your lifelong partner? How can you be sure? What if, you believe you're in love, yet, it is not meant to be? Does this mean you were wrong about that 'sparks'? Is it possible to fall out of love with someone, as in, no longer in love with them, yet still love them?

How do you know if you've fallen out of love? Does it happen when you find yourself attracted to someone other than your partner? How do you know it is love, not lust? How sure can you be, that you'll love that someone forever? How far can you on love alone?

Why do people get attracted to someone? Is it that 'spark' again? What exactly is that 'spark' thing? I don't understand. I love Tasha, and yes, I believe I'm in love with her. But I still don't understand. Why does she love me? She, who is gorgeous and amazing, could have her pick of just about anyone out there. I don't feel like I'm worth of her love. I don't understand, what I've got that others don't. What is it about me, that makes her stay? What is it about me, that made her choose me in the beginning?

She even wants to have, to start a family with me. It's like a dream come true. How do I know it's not just a dream? I... don't understand, why is she in love with me.

I meant it then, and I still mean it now. I'm not great or awesome or spectacular. I'm just... me. Someone... normal? An average being. She's more than just average, and she deserves better, at least, someone better than me. So. Why me? Why, does she even want me as her girlfriend? Why does she want to marry me?

I don't understand. Not the slightest, not at all. I can't give her anything. All I have to give, is just my heart, and that is not worth much. She excels in pretty much everything she does. She's extraordinary. I'm nothing more than average in everything. I'm not stunningly hot, nor do I have a flawless, fit body; not a top student, neither do I excel in extracuricular activitie; not overly sporty or adventurous, not particularly good with arts, languages the whole thing.

In all honesty, I feel like a jack of all trades, master of none. So, why me? I'm far from sweet, far from romantic, far from charming. So, why does she want me? Why does she want to start a new life here, with me? Why?

I don't understand. I just don't. I wish, I could walk in her shoes just for one day, just be her for one day, then perhaps I could come close to unraveling this enigma. I want to know why she decided to spend her life with me. I want, I need to know why she loves me, why she fell in love with me. I wish I knew.

She couldn't possibly love someone like me. She's like an angel, and I... don't think I deserve her love. I'm scared, to taint her life. I care. I'm scared, she won't lead an easy, happy life, a fulfilled life if she's with me, the kind of life she deserves. I'm scared, I won't be able to give her all that and more.

So dear God. Tell me why. Why does that angel love me, someone who probably doesn't deserve the pure love she radiates?

It's never easy, being apart from you. It's also not easy, having to deal with me. I realize, I can be rather demanding. Part of it, if not all, lies in my numerous emotional issues/baggage.

I'm scared of being alone, and I'm scared of losing someone to depend on. I don't wanna wake up from this awesome dream, that is you. You drive away the voices in my head, you chase away the insecurities, you dispel the darkness looming in the horizon.

I miss you.

:'(

YOU!

BAH!

You are like a drug. I can't help getting addicted to you. Without you it just doesn't seem right. It feels as if there's something lacking in my life. The 1st few days I go from happy to moody to just plain distressed. Then the next few days, till I actually get to talk to you, or hear from you, I just... exist.

Not happy, not sad. I just am. BAH! I HATE it when you're busy and I'm busy and love songs are in the air again. Hate it hate it hate it.

I KNOW you're busy, like really really busy, and I really don't wanna BE a brat but I can't really help feeling the way I feel right now. I'm selfish, I know. I just... *whines* I just miss you.

I realize there's no way in hell you're gonna read this, but I just needed to get that off my chest. I just... miss you. So much.