long overdue

Hey everyone.

This post is long overdue, don't you think? Long overdue in that sense, that it's been forever since I posted anything in this blog. Started this blog, initially, as a means to keep a diary of sorts. This is when I discovered, I suck at keeping track of stuff, or even writing about it. Even writing letters, I start writing and keep at it for, maybe a week or so, and then I can't be stuffed to continue.

It's not because I don't want to, I just have a hard time sitting down to write about stuff when I can talk about. But right now, there's just nobody I can talk to, about stuff I would like to talk about.

As usual, I would like to talk about Tasha. Or rather, to Tasha. I just realized, we have become strangers. 2 years ago, I knew how your mind works, what goes on in your mind, what drives you, what are your sensitive points. Fast forward to now, I no longer know who you are, what you stand for, what motivates you. You are no longer the girl I fell in love with, nor do I expect you to remain that girl. Yet, I do not know the woman you have become. We don't communicate the way we used to. Promises that we made, those that used to placate us, no longer works. You resent the fact that I always say I want to, but cant, just like I resent the fact that you always say you can, but you wont.

I miss you like mad, and my heart aches so bad, that I have no clue when it started, only that it's been so long, the heartache is a constant in my life already. I no longer know, whether I miss you because I miss you, or because I've gotten used to missing you, and am missing the idea of you. You're in a coma now, last I heard, and there's no news of you having recovered. There's nothing I can do, except pray for you. I'm as helpless as a newborn infant, hell, even worse I'd say.

So many things, I wish to say to you. So many things, I wish to do with you. So many things, I wish to experience with you. I want so badly, to have you here, by my side. I think fate has dealt me a cruel hand: the one I want to turn to for anything, turned out to be the last person I could turn to. Ironic much? Crying lost its appeal ages ago, when I started to feel resigned to the fact that, there's the possibility that, I might never get what I want.

Sigh.

So many a times, I wish I could see the future, to know what would happen. Life, fucking sucks without you.