feelings

Love. All she wanted was to be loved. To be cared for, to be attended to, to be fussed over. Really, that’s all she wants at this stage of her life. She was by no means an attention seeker. But rather, she wants, she craves for a different kind of love, other than friendship love and family love. She wants to wake up in the mornings, looking forward to the rest of the day with a smile, just because there is someone special there, to hold her tight whenever and whatever; someone to comfort her when she’s down, to cheer her in everything, to support her every action. In essence, someone to be there for her, someone she can share just about everything with.

Love. The frustrating thing called love. The one thing lacking in her otherwise perfect life. She was not ugly in any sense, and was ready to conquer the world, bedazzle them with her beauty despite some minor setbacks. And yet, she’s all alone, with no-one to share her success, her failures, her worries, her joy. Sometimes, she can’t help wondering, was it something she did wrong before? Is it God’s test for her? Or is Fate dealing her a harsh hand?

She still remembers the day she met him. They were introduced by a group of friends. It wasn’t love at first sight. They became friends, and soon she realized that her feelings for him had changed. She no longer viewed him as a friend, but someone close to her heart. Her infatuation for him had deepened into a crush for him. However, there is something wrong with the picture. He was treating her like a sister, more than as a potential girlfriend.

He treated her with brotherly love, which is not what she wanted. Knowing it could never be, she decided to nip it in the bud. She refused to let herself fall deeper and deeper. Turning to her best friend, who, unbeknown to her, has strong feelings for her, she tried her best to forget him. Unknowingly, she treated her best friend like she would someone special, never knowing, her confusing actions and acts would drive her best friend crazy, and it would mark start of the downward spiral of their friendship.

Blissfully ignorant, she forced her feelings for him to fade. She would try to avoid him as much as she could. Yet, it seemed as if it was impossible. She would bump into him practically everyday. His face would haunt her for the rest of the day, and deep down, she felt miserable. She controlled her urges to text him every time she’s down, or anytime she has news to share. Soon, her persistence paid off. Her feelings for him gradually changed into that of a brother.

All was well, or so she thought. Deep down within, her subconscious knows, the way she’s behaving around and with her best friend would bring trouble. Already, she suspects her best friend has feelings for her, feelings similar to that she used to carry for him. And yet, through her best friend, she’s loved. The attention, the care, the concern she wished would come from him, she gets from her best friend. And to be honest, she’s enjoying it. She likes the feeling when she can tell her best friend everything and anything, when and wherever. Her best friend would accompany her everywhere, do stuff for her, and basically just go the extra mile for her, and her only.

Yet, there is a price for everything. Her best friend would not be able to take this ambiguity much longer. The confusion, the uncertainty and the knowledge that she will not be able to return said affections is killing, slowly but surely. Unburdening to friends, her best friend was brought to the understanding, that she was not the one. And so, slowly but surely, the closeness she once shared with her best friend, would be worn down by time. Until she decides on what she wants, this outcome is inevitable.

The moral of this piece, is that, when it comes to matters of the heart, don’t play. If ever you suspect your friend likes you, as in more than a friend, either return their affections, or make it clear that friends are all that you’ll ever be. Don’t lead him/her along, just so that you can be loved.

DUN play with my heart!!!