Hiatus

I just realized, my blog is dead. And for good reason: I've lost the interest to blog... once again.


Apart from that, I realized, that my blog posts, those that are published, are getting rather emo... And that isn't really the case with me.


In regard of this apparent lack of interest, I shall therefore conclude that, my blog is on hiatus... indefinitely.


Feel free to pop by once a blue moon to see if there's any updates. If not, just talk to me, and I'll tell you what's going on in my life. Till then, ciao!

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm a masochist. I seek pain.
Sometimes, I wonder if it's all worth it.
Sometimes, I feel like a fool.
Sometimes, I feel naive.
Sometimes, I feel grown up.

But, at the end of the day, I'm jz too trusting, right?

I'm. An. Idiot.

ABC

So it was Valentine's yesterday. As compared to the other feb 14's in my life, I suppose you could say, that yesterday was joyous? I know, most, if not all my friends disagree with me on this, but, I have my reasons why I hang on. Call me naive, call me stupid, call me brainless. I don't really want to explain my actions to you, because it's going to be a long story, and I'm not really comfortable telling the whole world about it.

But, yes. Valentine's. I gave my girl a wonderful gift, and she loves it. I really hope, we grow old together, for all eternity. If, god forbid, we really don't make it, at least, I know, I did everything I could to hold on to the most amazing girl ever.

However, it was also a sad day for me. A friend's sister passed away yesterday, and that is a very sad news. This friend of mine stood by me and gave me hope and encouragement when I needed it. I'm sorry for her loss. I hope, she'll be alright with time.

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

(Chorus)
Cuz we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Maybe I was stupid
For telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong
For tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Either way I found out I'm nothing without you

(Chorus)
Cuz we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow, yeah
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you,
But I can't let you go,
Oh yeah

{music break}

Cuz we belong together now, (yeah yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

Cuz we belong (yeah) together now (together now), (yeah)
Forever united here somehow, (yeah)
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life (my life) would suck (would suck) without you

J. Holiday - It's Yours

Street Love... Holiday

Ay Ay
All I wanna do is please you.
Come into this room & let me show you
How it feel (how it feel)
Love is real (love is real)
Know that I could never get enough
If I ain't never been here before
The more I get
The more I want
Touch me baby
I just love to do it do it d-do it do it d-do it do it to you

[Chorus:]
Grab my body baby
Hold my heart don't break it
It is yours (it is yours)
It is yours (it is yours)
It is yours (it is yours)
And I could never get enough
Grab my body baby
Hold my heart don't break it
It is yours (it is yours)
It is yours (it is yours)
It is yours (it is yours)
And I could never get enough of you (you whoo you whoo)
Can't get enough can't get enough (you whoo you whoo)
Can't get enough can't get enough (you whoo you whoo)
(you whoo you whoo)

These other girls can't see you
If you only knew how much I need you
Every day
In every way
You got me baby
Soo addicted to you
Cause I ain't never been here before
The more I get
The more I want
Touch me baby
I just love to do it do it d-do it do it d-do it do it to you

[Chorus]

I just wanna touch you touch you
Hold your body till you till you till say YEah yeah (yeah yeah)
I just wanna touch you touch you
Hold your body till you till you till say YEah yeah yeah yeah(Yeah yeah
yeah yeah)

[Chorus: till song ends]

Halo - Beyonce

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Assessment

On a brighter note, this is what my friend said about my personality:

You have a certain sense of innocence that you don't usually see in someone your age, but not one that really hinders you, just affects the way you think and react to things. You are a bit naive, and ... pessimistic, but is evened out and balanced by your soft nature. You are very caring, and worry a lot, but simply because you care. You don't like to see anyone hurt, but don't like to be hurt yourself. You have good sense of humor, and know when to laugh, and when to take offense... but mostly laugh. You like to laugh, despite how pessimistic you might try to be. I can also tell this, because you have laugh lines on your face, and your eyes always seem to be smiling (in any picture I've seen of you). The eyes are the important part though, because it means you really mean it, you dont try to hide your emotions. You're also very brave, to go against family and friends to do what you think is right is not an easy thing. You have a strong spirit, which helps support you in this. You are also self-conscious and unsure of yourself sometimes. Something, I think, with time, you will find most days of the week you're very intelligent, despite what you may think, and are very talented. You tend to hide your talent because you of insecurity, so that's why your friends are here to help you bring it out. You're also a very good friend. You like to rant, but you also listen to ANYTHING that might be bothering someone without judging their character. You're obsessed with Tasha, but because you care about her. You also have very strong capacity to love. You have been able to make a long distance relationship work, where i don't think many others could, and were able to give the person who hurt you so deeply a second chance, which gives you the capacity to forgive. You like to share, be it knowledge, laughter, love, friendship, or even company. In that respect, you are very generous. You're also very patient and tolerable. You put up with the few things that annoy you without complaint, until you're safely away from said annoying things, but that’s ok. You're also a very friendly person, willing to welcome all kinds of people in your life and not judge them until you know them. You're very open-minded, which is also seen with the variety of friends you have. You also have a playful personality, which brings me full circle, to you like to be happy. And the fact that you study on holidays btw, tells me you're also very disciplined and dedicated to your studies. As well, the fact that you can speak English so well, it being your second language and all, tells me you have a lot of talent with languages. Your writing tells me you are a talented writer, and it all adds up to tell me you are a very passionate person, who embraces her heritage, and loves to share it.

fight

So we got back together, and her flight is in a couple of hours. I wish she could just appear in front of me. I miss her like crazy.

I kinda got into a real fight with my mom today. Over what? Over this whole, online friends coming for a visit. Sigh. If this is a taste of what things will be like in the far future, I shudder in fear.

I stood up for her, for us, because I believe. And I will stand up for her, time after time. Perhaps, mom will start suspecting something, but I don't really care. I have an urge to just tell her, that Tasha's my girl.

I don't know. I don't know how long I can take it, before I blurt out the truth.

shattered

We broke up. Sad to say, but yes, my true love cheated on me, and I ended up with a broken heart.

I'm sorry, for not listening to all your advice. But this is something I had to go through, to see for myself.

I'm sorry too, I hurt this bad. But. I was happy during those days. And nothing you can say, will change my mind. At least, I was happy.

So please. Don't criticize her in front of me. Don't talk bad about her. Just let her be. Let my heart heal at its own pace. Bring me out to drink.

=(

I have no idea what's wrong with me. Correction. YOU have no idea what this is doing to me. I am cranky, irritable, and short tempered. I snap at everybody and everything. I am pissed off at every little single thing. I wonder, are u feeling the same way? I wonder, can you sleep well at night?

There are so many questions I want to ask you: Are you alright? How was your day? Did the boy give you much trouble? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you miss me? What are you doing? There are so many things I want to tell you: I went out with my cousins the other day. I miss you terribly. I cant sleep without you. Lessons were dull. My heart is throbbing.

I know why your phone bill is still unsettled. I wish, you could do it soon. I dont know, how long I can go without getting any news from you. My days get a little longer, as my fuse gets a little shorter. I dont know, how I get through each day without talking to you. I dont know, if you miss me as badly as I miss you.

I miss you baby.... I miss you so very very much....