黑

我并非是个有胆的人。话说到底，我是个蹜头乌龟。我害怕。我害怕矢去。

我认，自己并不是什么君子，不是什么伟大人物。之所以死赖着不放手，并不是完全一百巴仙信任你。不是说不爱你，不相信你。而是说，自己没勇气寻找另一份爱情。我的意识是，自己没胆子要求分手。
我害怕失去你。害怕，一个没有你的生活。朋友全都觉得，我是个蠢蛋。我。。。不否认他们的看法。可是，没有你的世界，是多么的黑暗，多么的可怕。没有了你，就好像失去了靠岸。以前，总觉得，只要我爱你，那就足够。现在。。。我也不懂得自己在想些什么东西。

依然如旧，梦着一个有你，有我，有家庭的未来。现在觉得，那个梦，很有可能，就只是个梦。一个美好，却达不成的梦。也不懂，想念你，是出于心底，或是因习惯成自然；爱你，是因习惯，因害怕，因没勇心，还是因情太深。有可能，你会觉得，我对你，冷淡了。不是刻意要这么对待你，而是想你想到心太疼了，不知要从哪 儿说起。

你走得越远，走得越快，我没能力跟得上。能做的，是尽量追。追不上，唯有期望你会回头望一望，慢下脚步。但，你回头望时，脚步并没慢下，还告诉我说，你走得太远了，回不来，唯有继续往前走。难道，速度是固定的吗？我不懂，也无法了解，你是如何找不到出发点，为何回不来。

爱。这字，太神秘了。定义是什么，举动是如何，言语是如此，我无法体会。我迷路了。乌云密布，深山野林。欲断魂。梦 剩梦，希望成灰，世界一片黑。

holey

I wonder. Why the hell do I miss you? It's draining, to wake up each morning, with hopes, only to have it dashed. I know, I said I could be satisfied with just hearing from you once a week. And yet, the more I get, the more I want. Whatever attention you give me, I want more. I crave for more. I want your 100% 24/7. Well. Perhaps not 24/7. But you get the idea. And whatever time you can spare me, I want more. I want all your attention on ME.

I sound like a brat, don't I? A selfish brat. But I dont care! I FREAKING WANT YOUR ATTENTION!!! You said... you said many things. And each time you fail to deliver, I die a little on the inside. You... I dont know if you cant see it, or if you just dont want to see it, or if you see it but pretend not to notice it, but that's the truth.

I hurt. I still do. I dont know, if I'm going to carry this hurt, forever. But right now, it's there. Much as I try to ignore it, and I do succeed occasionally, each reminder of you triggers it. I dont know how to plug that hole in my heart, that hole the pain keeps oozing in. I guess, I need you to do that. Even as I'm writing this now, I can feel that pain, that stabbing pain in my heart. As for the tears, let's pretend they dont exist, shall we?

Everyone says, 'Laura, you're a fool.' 'Laura, how is it you're still able to love her after all this?' 'Laura, why do you love her?' 'Laura, she's not for real. Dont waste your time on her, please?' 'Wake up! Face reality!'

And to each of them, I smile and wave them off. I turn around so that nobody sees the pain in my eyes. I plaster a smile to face the whole world, to ward off any nagging or concerned words, and to hide the pain etched deep within. It's so hard, when you're hardly around.

I... cant sleep at nights, unless I wear myself out so bad I'm a walking zombie. I try, to keep myself occupied throughout the day, only to find myself at the computer, with that page open, hoping, just hoping to hear from you. I want nothing more, then to lie within your embrace, and feel you holding me close. And I dont mean virtually, online. I mean, physically.

To the world I might seem strong and steady and not at all needy. But dont you see that's just a front? Of all the people in the world, you're the only one I let fall all my barriers for. To you, and you alone, I let myself go, let myself feel, embrace that emotion I feel in abundance for you. To you, I show my vulnerability, my true colors.

So where are you? What are you up to? Why... Dont I feel assured, secure? I know, one of my many flaws, is that I overdo the thinking, and that I'm paranoid. I realize, it's tiring, to always assure me of your intentions, your affections. But baby, I'm scared. I'm so scared. I dont want to be alone, I'm scared of being alone. I've been alone for most of my life, and I dont like it. And I also realize, I've got a rather low self confidence level. I dont get your attraction to me, and that makes me doubly paranoid. I'm not doubting you, just dont understand what's so awesome about me. I'm just about as average as the other girls.

Baby... I told you before, I need alot of reassurances. And I dont think, my fears will truly be put to rest till the day you're here by my side, and hold me for real. I sound desperate, I know. But... You really are the only one who could help me slay my demons, and your affections is the only elixer that could sustain me. Please baby, reassure me once more. Keep reassuring me. I'm needy... for you. Only you...

shattered

We broke up. Sad to say, but yes, my true love cheated on me, and I ended up with a broken heart.

I'm sorry, for not listening to all your advice. But this is something I had to go through, to see for myself.

I'm sorry too, I hurt this bad. But. I was happy during those days. And nothing you can say, will change my mind. At least, I was happy.

So please. Don't criticize her in front of me. Don't talk bad about her. Just let her be. Let my heart heal at its own pace. Bring me out to drink.

=(

I have no idea what's wrong with me. Correction. YOU have no idea what this is doing to me. I am cranky, irritable, and short tempered. I snap at everybody and everything. I am pissed off at every little single thing. I wonder, are u feeling the same way? I wonder, can you sleep well at night?

There are so many questions I want to ask you: Are you alright? How was your day? Did the boy give you much trouble? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you miss me? What are you doing? There are so many things I want to tell you: I went out with my cousins the other day. I miss you terribly. I cant sleep without you. Lessons were dull. My heart is throbbing.

I know why your phone bill is still unsettled. I wish, you could do it soon. I dont know, how long I can go without getting any news from you. My days get a little longer, as my fuse gets a little shorter. I dont know, how I get through each day without talking to you. I dont know, if you miss me as badly as I miss you.

I miss you baby.... I miss you so very very much....

MAF

It's Mid Autumn Festival, and I'm all alone. I mean it literally. I'm in hostel, dad's at home, mom's with grandparents, and I'm alone in the room. Suddenly, I'm filled with these waves of loneliness. Jein is back in Melaka, LiHui, I have no idea. Mel is with Esther, Kang is all the way in Australia. Michie is going out soon, and me? Well, I've my wives to accompany me, I guess. =/

Sigh. I suddenly feel so lonely. I... I really want my baby right now. I've never felt this way before when Mel used to leave. I always say I don't care that she's not in the room, but always at Esther's. And I really don't. I have no idea why I feel differently today. I feel like, everybody left me alone. I feel so invisible. My baby's asleep, and I really don't want to disturb her. I just wish... I could crawl into bed with her, and have her hold me close. Her presence somehow makes these feelings disperse. How can you blame me for being into her, when she's the only one that really makes the loneliness goes away?

I'm emo, all of a sudden. I suppose, today being Mid Autumn Festival, time to be with friends and family and loved ones, and I'm all alone. I miss my baby. I just want to feel her arms around me, telling me that she's always there for me and that she'll not leave me no matter what. I suddenly feel so alone, like it's me against the whole world. Sigh... I wish my baby was here... I just want to snuggle against her and feel loved. I hate this empty feeling. It's like a sinking rock in my heart. Perhaps this is called, homesick?

I want my panda right now, this very instant. God knows how much I need her right now. When I'm talking to her, somehow, she lifts up my mood. Sometimes, even way back then, I still feel lonely when I'm with friends. But I've never felt that way with my baby. So don't blame me for being so into her. Like I said, she's the only one that ever made me want to cast off my barriers. I feel at home with her, like I can tell her anything under the sun.

The fireworks aren't doing my mood any good, because they serve to remind me of just how empty I feel. I need my baby more then ever right now. My friends...... Aren't here with me anyway. All alone during Mid Autumn Festival. I hate it...

Tasha

To: My dearest Panda

I wonder. Did I made a mess out of everything? Is it so very wrong for me to approach your ex gf and bestie for information? I only had you in my mind when I asked them about what happened. You won't even tell me anything. Is it really that wrong for me to do what I did?

You're mad at me, and now I can't sleep. You won't even tell me a single thing. You may not want to make me worried, but how can I not worry when you have this tendency to land into trouble? Since the day we got together, my life has become a TVB drama. I don't regret a single inch of it, but I do wish we could have a talk about this. You don't just hit me with one sentence, 'Why don't you continue being friends with them? Since you guys are becoming so close, and leave me out of it.'

How am I supposed to inteprete it? You sound mad, and pissed off. How am I supposed to sleep well tonight? You really tear my heart apart, rip it into pieces. I wonder. I know you're hurting over there, and I'm sick over here. I really want to know if you're feeling any better. But somehow, idk anymore.

What are you trying to say? What are you trying to do? What are you looking for?

Smexy

Damn.



I'm never sleeping after dinner. Too much weird dreams.



I'm beginning to hate myself.



I'm starting to hate food.



I'm hating water.



I hate being sick.



My throat is the equivalent of sandpaper.



Nothing I do works.



I wish my baby was here to make me feel better.

吵架

还记得，昨天跟敏敏说，我们才吵过一次架。


都变了。也不知道，到底是如何发生的。


我只须要你每天陪我谈五分钟。。。 没人打插的五分钟。。。 好难吗？？


总觉得，you've got more time for others.


Do I not warrant any of your time as well?? Do I not deserve a couple of words with you without being interrupted or being put on hold?? I hardly do that to you. I put aside everything to talk to you. At least, give me some private moments to share with you. Your voice can do wonders for me. Just hearing it can uplift my mood. 塔莎，你回来吧。。。 不要跑到我跟不到的地方去，好不好？？

Darkrai

I can barely breath
I miss you so

I try my best
But you're nowhere to be found

I look around
But all I see is darkness

I grope around
But I cant feel anything

I lose all sense of time
All sense of direction

I hugged my knees
Sank down to the floor

I was all alone
I feel lonely

I want to see
Your face

I want to feel
Your touch

I want to hear
You call my name

I want to taste
Friendship, joy and love

But it's all dark
With nothing save black

rain

remember i said that i wish it would rain so that i could run out into the rain and just let it wash away my pain and sorrow? ok. perhaps not those exact words. but still. you get the picture.

anyhow. it rained yesterday afternoon. the heavy kind with a lil fog. i purposely walked in the pouring rain. i felt the cold wind making its presence. perhaps it's too much, because i started crying again.

call me weak, call me foolish. i really can't take not hearing from her. i'm sorry if i'm devastated, emo, moody, upset, sad and what not. i just miss her so much it really hurts. but i've decided, no matter what, i'll continue loving her. forever. but i won't go around moping. i'll treasure this love within me.

but missing her always ain't really the main reason for the tears yesterday. the rain made me remember her promise to take a scroll in the rain together with me. i would love to do exactly that, and a lil more if you get my meaning. you noe, i just think that kissing under the rain is just so sexy and is such a turn on. not that i ever kissed under the rain before, i just feel that it is. forgive me yang, but many things can be a turn on for me.

the main reason for the tears is, she proposed to me on a rainy day. i noe, many of you feel that it's too soon to talk about marriage. i mean, it's just been 2 months, and she has already proposed. some think it's too soon, some think it's a joke, some just have no comment. monkie asked me how do i noe that she's the one for me. well. i might not have much experience, but, i suppose, you just do. for me, to date, she's the only one i can imagine growing old with, and spending the rest of my life with. she's the one i can picture loving after years of being together.

not being able to talk to my future wife is just such torture. but because i love her, i'll live life with a smile on my face. i deserve to, and i know she would want me to. it sure sounds as if i'm living my life for her. but it's not. to me it's not.

wreckage

Emotional wreck. I never thought I would use that to describe me. But that is exactly what I am right now. All because I cant get my girlfriend on the phone after I get a text message telling me something bad happened to her.

I lose the appetite to eat. I look mopey and down and goddamn emo right now. I feel like isolating myself from the people around me. Don't get me wrong, they're amazing people. I just don't feel like seeing them. I wish it would rain. I just want to run out in the rain with someone and just dance around. I want to splash in the puddles, and perhaps, just cry my heart out.

I've never cried much in my life. I'm just so worried, and scared that I'll lose her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love her so much I just can't bear to ever have her gone from my life. I wish there was someone I knew in USA, that could help me get news about her. Perhaps I'm overreacting, but not hearing from her these past few days is like torture. Heard of 'heaven on earth'? Well, this is more like 'hell on earth' for me.

Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

爱哭鬼

人， 最堕落的时候，总是在深夜中。


以夜的黑暗，隐瞒自己最深的感情。


我，不晓得，何时变得这么依赖你。


我的全部，都给了她。


她的全部，变成了我最珍惜的一切。


听不到她的声音，我成了热窝上的蚂蚁。


知道她出了事，而我，却束手无持，无能为力。


心好疼，不知如何形容。


只知道，想哭。


可是，哭了，心情还是一样，难受。


想找个人，狠狠地抱住，痛快地把心中所有的无奈，无助，完全爆出来。


能使我变得这么脆弱的人，也是我要抱的人。


她，不在我身旁。但，她却无声无影地把我的心偷走。


她，把我变成一个爱哭鬼。


她，使我又爱又恨。

Lobo

How can I tell my parents about my gf? I love her so much. I want to share her with my parents, with the whole world without needing to hide it from anybody. I want the whole world to know that she's mine and she makes me feel like the luckiest person alive.

I feel terrible for not being able to tell her that I love her whenever my parents are around. My mom already suspects that I have someone, but she thinks that I have a BF, not a gf. I'm not trying to hide her from my family. Part of me wants to shield her from having to face them, but I noe, I can't do it alone.

I miss her all the time I'm not talking to her. I miss her even though I just get off the phone with her. I enjoy falling asleep to her voice, and waking up to it. I want to wake up next to her in the mornings, and sleeping in her arms. I don't want to do it in a secretive manner and to make up excuses why she's in my arms and all that. I want to be able to hold her and be affectionate in public.

So pray tell me, how to break the news?

爱. 恨. 难.

I miss her so much that it hurts. I know she's unable to charge her phone, and that she might be staying over at her friend's place; I know I'm supposed to be concentrating on my studies; I know telling her all this will make her feel bad. But I can't help the way I'm feeling right now.

I miss talking to her while I'm under the covers. I miss the sound of her voice. I miss joking around with her. I miss making her want me. I miss her. I want say sweet nothings to her, tease her about her baby nephew, comfort her when her back hurts, and talk about nothing in particular.

I love it when she's playing around, tho it may seem too real sometimes. I love it even when she's trying to make me jealous. I love it when she's trying to get me to do something. I love it when the questions she's asking make me blush. I love it when I can guess her reaction. I love it even more when she's laughing. I love it when we are thinking of each other and we both know it. I love it even when she cries over something sweet I did, because I'll know, I can evoke such emotions within her.

I hate it that we are so far apart. I hate it when I can't be there for her, with her. I hate it when I don't get to talk to her. I hate it when my messages don't reach her. I hate it that she's in pain, and all I can do is talk to her softly and give her virtual back rubs. I hate it when I fail to give her hugs and kisses when she needs them the most. I hate it when her tears fall, and I'm not there to wipe them away. I hate it that I can't cuddle her. I hate it that I cannot call her as often and as long as I want to. I hate it that I cannot be there to fend off unwanted attention. I hate it that I might not be able to see her in a very long time. I hate it that I cannot introduce her to my parents.

If wishes came true, I would want to wish upon the falling stars during the meteor rain. I wish that this would last forever. I wish that I could be with her now. I wish that we could spend everyday together. I wish that the love we have will never fade. I wish that I could wake up everyday to her. I wish that I could hold her close every night.

All I want, is to be with my baby right now. God knows how much she needs me right now, and how much I miss her.

KLIA

This is exactly how I feel about you and me.




I wish this is far from the truth.




But I cant get everything I want in life.




This sucks big time, you know?




I really hate this.




Sometimes, I hate myself for being such an idiot. Sometimes, I even hate you.

fragile

Oh.

My.

Fucking.

God.

I'm in shock. I don't ever want to be in this situation.

God help me.

Or rather.

Help my baby.

she woke up and smiled at me and then she died in my arms

Currently speechless. Imagine your best friend.

Murder

I. AM. SO. TOTALLY. DEAD.





OFFICIALLY.





DOOMED.





sigh....





someone teach me how to last till the 11th, and come out SANE.






or better still, how to pass my killer subjects.

sigh

I miss:

Jie
Darling
Whaley
KK
Piglet
Dolphin+monkey+elephant
Cat
Nat
Peng
WC
Celine
Taryn
Cheahle
PK
YY
Huiping