long overdue

Hey everyone.

This post is long overdue, don't you think? Long overdue in that sense, that it's been forever since I posted anything in this blog. Started this blog, initially, as a means to keep a diary of sorts. This is when I discovered, I suck at keeping track of stuff, or even writing about it. Even writing letters, I start writing and keep at it for, maybe a week or so, and then I can't be stuffed to continue.

It's not because I don't want to, I just have a hard time sitting down to write about stuff when I can talk about. But right now, there's just nobody I can talk to, about stuff I would like to talk about.

As usual, I would like to talk about Tasha. Or rather, to Tasha. I just realized, we have become strangers. 2 years ago, I knew how your mind works, what goes on in your mind, what drives you, what are your sensitive points. Fast forward to now, I no longer know who you are, what you stand for, what motivates you. You are no longer the girl I fell in love with, nor do I expect you to remain that girl. Yet, I do not know the woman you have become. We don't communicate the way we used to. Promises that we made, those that used to placate us, no longer works. You resent the fact that I always say I want to, but cant, just like I resent the fact that you always say you can, but you wont.

I miss you like mad, and my heart aches so bad, that I have no clue when it started, only that it's been so long, the heartache is a constant in my life already. I no longer know, whether I miss you because I miss you, or because I've gotten used to missing you, and am missing the idea of you. You're in a coma now, last I heard, and there's no news of you having recovered. There's nothing I can do, except pray for you. I'm as helpless as a newborn infant, hell, even worse I'd say.

So many things, I wish to say to you. So many things, I wish to do with you. So many things, I wish to experience with you. I want so badly, to have you here, by my side. I think fate has dealt me a cruel hand: the one I want to turn to for anything, turned out to be the last person I could turn to. Ironic much? Crying lost its appeal ages ago, when I started to feel resigned to the fact that, there's the possibility that, I might never get what I want.

Sigh.

So many a times, I wish I could see the future, to know what would happen. Life, fucking sucks without you.

Waiting For The End - Linkin Park

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone
And the violent rhythm
And though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it
Let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control...

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so...

(Oh!) I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

What was left when that fire was gone?
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I've said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So, picking up the pieces, now where to begin?
The hardest part of ending is starting again!

All I wanna do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got...

This is not the end
This is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot
Rocking every revision
(I'm holding on to what I haven't got)
But you listen to the tone
And the violet rhythm
Though the words sound steady
Something empty's within 'em

We say Yeah!
With fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something
That's invisible there
(Holding on to what I haven't got!)
'Cause we're living at the mercy of
The pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it
Let it all disappear.

love........... lost

Being in love is never easy, is it? Just a minute before you were happily minding your own business, perfectly contented to being by yourself; the next minute, you realize you're in love and suddenly everything else takes a backseat to the person you love.

When you're both arguing, it's not the cause of it that hurts the most, is the fact that you're actually arguing that hurts. A single word, careless or otherwise, from them would hurt more then fresh acid poured onto an open wound.

Of course being in love is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. You feel as if you're floating on air, and you wear a silly grin on your face each time you hear their voice, see their face, think of them and their mostly silly/amusing attics. They make you feel like the whole world revolves around you, 'cause really, you ARE their world.

Being in love is like an instant jolt of electricity running through your veins. It makes you restless and angsty and perhaps to a certain extent scared, because that person could make or break your heart. Not in the literal sense, but you get the idea.

Some say it's not worth the hurt, pursuing the one you want, and some say a shot at happiness is worth anything. I reckon it's a matter of both. Some attractions are not meant to be pursued, given that it is plain pointless. And some, well, some are meant to be given a chance to see what it would bloom into.

Love has been compared to pruning a rose bush. Do a good job and bragging rights are yours. Do a less then satisfactory job then... You get the idea.

I have no idea where I wanted to go with this when I started writing. So. yea. I'll jst leave it as is.

Ciao~

Secrets - One Republic

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kind of boring
Need something that i can confess

Till all my sleaves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so

[Chorus]
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick of all the act sencere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far
It's like were chacing all those stars
Whoes driver shining big black cars

And everyday I see the news
All the problems we could solve
And when a situation rises
???We'll ride it into a moutain???
???Straight to though???
I don't really like my flow, oh, so

[Chorus]
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick of all the act sencere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

Got no reason
Got no shame
Got no family
I can blame
Just don't let me dissappier
I'ma tell you everything

[Chorus 2x]
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll like those ears
Sick o f all the act sencere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away (x2)

Kissing You - Miranda Cosgrove

sparks fly it's like electricity
i might die, when i forget how to breath
you get closer and there's no where in this world i'd rather be
time stops like everything around me is frozen
and nothin' matters but these
few moments when you open my mind to things i've never seen

cuz when i'm kissing you my senses come alive
almost like the puzzel piece i've been trying to find
falls right into place you're all that it takes
my doubts fade away when i'm kissing you
when i'm kissing you it all starts making sense
and all the questions i've been asking in my head
like are you the one should i really trust
crystal clear it becomes when i'm kissing you

past loves they never got really far
walls up; make sure I guarded my heart
and i promise i wouldn't do this
till i knew it was right for me
but no one, no guy that i met before
could make me feel so right and secure
and have you noticed i loose my focus
and the world around me disapears

cuz when i'm kissing you my senses come alive
almost like the puzzle piece i've been trying to find
falls right into place you're all that it takes
my doubts fade away when i'm kissing you
when i'm kissing you it all starts making sense
and all the questions i've been asking in my head
like are you the one should i really trust
crystal clear it becomes when i'm kissing you

i've never felt nothing like this
you're making me open up
no point in even trying to fight this
it kinda feels like it's loveee

cuz when i'm kissing you my senses come alive
almost like the puzzle piece i've been trying to find
falls right into place you're all that it takes
my doubts fade away when i'm kissing you
when i'm kissing you it all starts making sense
and all the questions i've been asking in my head
like are you the one should i really trust
crystal clear it becomes when i'm kissing you





(P/s: FYI. I love iCarly. Both the show and its fandom!! Just plain awesome)

Tino Coury - Diary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S83xZjjgu4c

I read your diary, and it said
That you weren’t in love with me, And your leaving
And I wish that i didn’t see
That you fell in love with him, him, him

But I read your diary
I saw a book wit lock and key right next to your name
I, I, I, I couldn’t help myself cause things aint just been the same
Can you please tell me cause this sh** is so insane
My heart is bleeding
Papercut from reading, reading

Page 1
Says that your falling in and out of love
Page 2
Says all them things I do just aint enough
Page 3
No I couldn’t see, Page 3 says you don’t know how to explain it to me
But I read your diary
And it said
That you weren’t in love with me
And your leaving
And I wish that I didn’t see
That you fell in love with him, him, him

But I read your diary
Oh Oh Oh
Your diary
Oh Oh Oh
I turn the page and see a picture of you and him
No, No, No, that was the night you told me you were out with your
friends
And now I know that my kiss was just S, Second
My heart is bleeding
Papercut from reading, reading…

Page 4
Says your addicted to sexin him every night
Page 5
Has all the reasons you know that this isnt right
Page 6
I cant handle this
I feel just like JT on that cry me a river sh**
Cause I read your diary
And it said
That you weren’t in love with me
And your leaving
And I wish that I didn’t see
That you fell in love with him, him, him

But I read your diary
Oh Oh Oh
Your diary
Oh Oh Oh

Lets make a list
(check)
Broken promises
(check)
How you always told me you loved me right after every kiss
(check)
And you, you always talkin ****
On them other chicks
(check)
And now its obvious that we know who the real b**** is…

I read your diary
And it said
That you weren’t in love with me
And your leaving
And I wish that I didn’t see
That you fell in love with him, him, him

But I read your diary
Oh Oh Oh
Your diary
Oh Oh Oh
Your Diary

Leisure

In my defence, I finished all my work before pursuing my leisure activities, actitivies that include stalking blogs, updating mine, reading articles and comics. And so I discovered, I could sign into Msn, but can't access my hotmail nor my messenger. Kinda defeats the purpose of signing in though.

Anyhow, comics. I just realized that, there are online comics that I could view at http://www.msn.com/. Comics such as Doonesbury are a real relief as it pokes fun at practically everything. Comics such as Adam takes you into the life of the average American family.

And I just realized you could read manga too. How awesome is that? Of course, I'ma gonna have to search for a manga less graphic then this.

*Laughs out loud*

Pyramid - Charice ft Iyaz

Monday blues

Yet another Monday. I think I'm starting to age prematurely. Reason being, I slept at 10 last night, and managed to be late for work this morning. How awesome is that? In my defence, I was caught in a jam in a stretch of road which normally takes me 15 minutes to clear. Today, it took me more than twice that time.

And so I've drawn a conclusion. Well. A couple of 'em.

- I shouldn't sleep at 2am on weekends, unless I don't have to wake up early the next day.
- Coffee in the morning, is a must. In fact, coffee at least once a day is a must.
- Constant interaction with the computer is bad, really bad. Especially after office hours.
- Procrastination is bad. Or wait. Is it good?
- Smokes seem more and more attractive right now, given my inability to go w/o coffee the whole day.
- Rain, is very much a factor in my inability to leave earlier.
- Food makes me feel nauseous right now.

Ok. That's more than just a couple.

I need a nap. Urgently. Desperately.

Gun-ner

I was looking at this post and was hit with a wave of nostalgia. I remember when I was younger, I was insane. Literally. I loved to play with Legos but I couldn't follow their instructions to build a ship or airplane or house. Instead, I became my own architect. Technically, the only thing I could build was a house, a simplified version, with 4 walls and a roof. ROFL. But still. I had tons of fun with Legos. They were the background of many of my make-believe stories. As I grew older, my attachment to Legos lessen. Stories now played in my head, instead of being acted out.

1 fine day, I saw this action flick. Acting on an inspiration, I took out my Legos set, blew the dust off, and set out to construct my own weapon. The results? An awesome (by my standards then) gun. It would never run out of ammo, and could shoot rays of plasma too. Not to mention, it was personalized so that only my fingerprint would activate the gun. Anyone other then me wouldn't be able to fire it. And when it was done, I would proudly wave about my gun and pretend to be some secret agent or spy or perhaps even a crime lord.
Ah. The joys of my youth.

I remember plotting out a blueprint, of what my house ought to be like, with secret panels, escape panels, hidden buttons/switches, secret rooms... The whole lot. Blame it on the tv shows. At one stage, I would be a crime lord; at times, I would be a fictional character in a literal world that doesn't belong to me. Always though, I would play the role of a guy. Be it, crime lord, superstar, world athlete, racer... I was always the one who got the girl. *grins*

I miss those days, when I was young, innocent, carefree and amusingly naive. Human nature, not to realize what you have, till you've lost it. Human nature too, to let the best things in life past us by. Even more so, when you realize that, it's always too late when you come to a realization. Youth is something we should treasure, despite however it might turn out. There would always be a glimmer of light even in the bleakest day.

On a side note. Lucy Diamond in a tank top waving a gun. Now THAT, is what dreams are made of. This doesn't really do her any justice, but still, a good enough picture.

Google Jordana Brewster.

You know you want to.

Determination

"To err is human, to forgive divine."


"And after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in a masquerade."


"Act well your part: there all the honor lies. "


"On wrongs swift vengeance waits."


"Praise undeserved, is satire in disguise."


"Teach me to feel another's woe, to hide the fault I see, that mercy I to others show, that mercy show to me."


"Tis but a part we see, and not a whole."


"To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves."


"Woman's at best a contradiction still."


This post is dedicated to Alexander Pope, who was one of the greatest poets of his time. His words hold much truth and wisdom, even in today's world, whereby technology rules. At heart, despite how advance we are in every sense, we are but human, a flawed product. To be the best we can be, minimizing our weaknesses, our shortcomings and maximizing our strengths, that should be our goal.

I want to get my confirmation as soon as I can. I want to be more than what I am today tomorrow. I want to change who I am to be what I can and want to be.


Wish me luck.

Secondhand Serenade - Something More

I lie awake again, my bodies feeling paralysed
I can’t remember when
I didn’t live through this disguise
The words you said to me
They couldn’t set me free

Im stuck here in this life i didn’t ask for
There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out

The storm is rolling in
The thunders loud it hurts my ears

Im paying for my sins
And its gunna rain for years and years

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store
emp3musicdownload.blogspot.com
Breathe in breathe out

I fooled everyone and now what will i become?
I have to start this over
I have to start this over

There must be something more,
Do we know what we’re fighting for?

Breathe in breathe out

And all these masks we wore
We never knew what we had in store

Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more
Breathe in breathe out
There must be something more

Dreams

I dreamt. I dreamt of a normal everyday life, the difference being you and Dorion are here. I dreamt, that you and I were resting in the room, 'cause we had a dinner to attend later. I woke up feeling a lil hungry, and grandma baked bread, a whole variety of it, much like a small scale bakery. I chose a sausage roll, which had some mayo on it. I stepped out the room and saw Dorion being doted upon by mom and grandma. I offered him a bite. He took a mouthful and dad told me to give him some milk before he ate the bread or else he might vomit (how does this make sense?). So I told him to yell for you if he felt like vomitting. He said ok. I went to get him a cup of milk. Then I woke up.

I remember feeling a certain sense of loss when I woke up. A lil disorientated. It's been so long, since I last dreamt of you, and my 1st time dreaming of him. I guess, I miss you both, more than I realize. I remember hugging my boy all the time. =(

untitled

She told me, I should get sunnies. Reason being, that people would fall in love with me the moment they look into my eyes. *Laughs* How cute.

I miss her, every minute of every day that my mind is not occupied. She's central in all my fantasies, my desires, my dreams, my make-believe world. Hard, being apart this way. Doubly hard, not being able to talk everyday. Triply hard, when things get tough and strength of will gets tested. I wish, she could come for my convocation. I wish, she could just come over, whenever. I actually asked her to come over when she asked me what I wanted as a gift for doing well for exams. (I got 3D 1C) Sadly, it couldn't be anytime soon. I asked for Xmas, and she said she'll try. But idk. Somehow, it feels like the odds are not in my favor. Or perhaps she'll actually come this time.

I... It feels like I'm asking for the moon, the earth, the sun, the entire universe. Feels like I'm mooning after a phantom, an illustration, a figment of my imagination. Am I just dreaming? I miss my baby. *pouts* Funnily enough, this post is not meant to be emo, yet, it seems to be heading that way. Doesn't it? I feel like, I'm asking for more than she can/could/want to give. Do I? Perhaps I do.

She's really amazing. Life would be so much better if she was here. She could make me smile just like that, without needing much effort. Just being able to hear her voice, hear her laughter, is emough to put a smile on my face. When we talk, it feels like the rest of the world just falls apart, into the background. She brightens up my day and leaves me in a good mood for the rest of the day. Just her. Her and my kid. Family. That's all I want, for Xmas.

Is it too early to want a Xmas gift?

*Editted*

My castle in the air, is that of you me and a family. To be able to go home to hugs and kisses, and welcoming embraces and kids having fun in the background. That's my castle in the air. You, me a family.

150710

OUTDATED!

OMG!

Ok. Bit hysterical there. Forgive me. I was actually talking about me being outdated about the latest music hits. I've been so out of it, I don't even have songs like, 'Nothing On You', 'Need You Now', 'Never Knew I Needed', 'The Only Exception' and so many more. Like seriously, I'm so out of it. I'm so going to download the latest Secondhand Serenade album. I'm like this huge fan and the music is just so awesome. I think I can practically sing all their songs.

On another note, I think my emotions are going haywire. You're going to think I'm nuts (not that I'm not) but it's been ages since I last talked to her. (I sound like a broken down record player. Even I'm disgusting myself, so you peeps can just skip this paragraph or so) Sigh. I dunno. Let's skip this. Or rather let's just end this here.

On an interesting note. My 'teacher' has a tattoo around his arm. Awesome

XXX: ...... and after that, turn left and there you are.
Me: Wow. That's fast!
XXX: Yeah, but it's rm7 to and fro.
Me: Hahaha. Why'd you wanna go there for?
XXX: 'kao zai'
Me: But you already have a boyfriend.
XXX: So? Not husband.
Me: ........

****************************

Anyway. That was a very =.=" moment, but I guess there's no denying the truth in her words. I mean, you're free to walk around and shop before paying for your purchases right? Well. Unless you personally decide that you're more than satisfied with what you've got, then it becomes a personal choice right?

Anyway. That aside. Gab has taken over teaching me about the system and stuff, so I reckon I'll be getting more work to do. *Cheers* It might sound really weird to you, that I'm actually cheering to get work. Me, whom we all know is as lazy as a well-fed pig. There's really nothing much I can do here at the office if I don't do any work. And since I can't FB, can't MSN, can't FF/FP, I might as well do work and actually earn my keep. (Since my alternative is stalking the newspaper online)

(So far, I've learnt aac/apa/msc/ibc, which is like the tip of the iceberg of my workscope)

Ok. So something kinda jogged my memory. Apparently, boys only mature when they are 20, ie, they can only start to have sex at 20. *rises eyebrow* any younger and they're still 'developing'... lol

*faints*

I'm starting to think that I really have worms in my stomach. To think that I just had lunch not too long ago. Well, ok. More like, 3 hours ago. Still. This sucks big time. I'm HUNGRY! Damn.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Need You Now Lyrics - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone 'cuz I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stopping looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Oh whoa
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk
and I need you now.
Well I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

Week 2

Week 2. It's still oh so boring. Meh. I have no idea how to spend my time in the office. I wonder if it's possible I continue writing during office hours. I'm being reduced to doing all my e-learnings now, while waiting for work to do. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually WANT work. Wth you're asking? Yeah. It's totally wth. Gah. Boredom settles in.

Updates!

Ok. So I realized that it's been quite a while since I last posted. April 11 till now, that's like, what, 3 months or so? It's no excuse, but I plead finals, World Cup, Thomas Cup, and whatnot as reasonable distraction. But hey, it really doesn't matter, 'cause this blog aint dead after all. I mean, I'm here now, blogging aint I?

So anyway. Thomas Cup is over, with China winning the Thomas and losing the Uber. That's old news. Right. Carry on. The World Cup 2010 is here, and Finals is but a few days away. The finalists? Netherlands vs Spain. Epic, aint it? The so called top teams, like, Brazil, France, Italy all crashed even before the semis. They say that this World Cup 2010 is the world cup of upsets, and I so have to agree.

Anyway. Here I am, on an awesome Thursday morning, at freaking 8.56am, blogging. Reason being not that I've insommia, but rather 'cause I'm at work. Yeah. You heard me. WORK. Geez. I kinda regret telling my manager that I'm free from 1st July onwards. I haven't even had a break yet! *sadface* And! My other friends are still at home, enjoying themselves, pigging it out, hanging out with friends, watching world cup and whatnot. I missed that Germany vs Spain match this morning. An EPIC. And I missed it! *SIGH*

So yeah. Work. A freshie over here, I couldn't even log on to the computer without needing someone to help me, till late yesterday evening. See? That's why I'm blogging right now. Apparently there's supposed to be this, training/meeting thingy that starts at 9, but, looking around, there aint that many people around, so yeah, some free time to kill.

Work is alright, I guess? Was just stoning around at the office for the past few days, since my seniors/colleagues are all busy busy busy, and they don't really have the time to teach me, except when they have a short break. So basically, I'm just sitting there watching them work, den they'll explain a lil here and there. They're kinda nice, I guess? Well, those that I interacted with. The rest, idk yet. Takes time I guess? I hate that I need time to take up the initiative to talk to people, shy? reserve? cowardice? whatever you want to call it.

I could go on and on and on about work, but I really rather not, especially since I'm @ work. So onward to my personal life. Speaking of which, I realised that I actually missed typing. Idk how my mind works. I'm just weird that way.

**********************************************************************************

2 hours later and this post isn't even ready to be published. Reason being that I just got out of that... thingy. So basically. Now I'm freezing and I'm plain bored, and I'm resorting to blogging as my only entertainment, seeing that they blocked basically all my entertainment sites, from Facebook to Twitter to even fanfics, and let's not even talk about MSN or even Ebuddy. Blocked blocked blocked blocked blocked. Lucky my phone didn't get blocked. Anyway. Think it's pretty much an update on most of my life at the moment. I'm off to 'study' once more! Toodles darlins!

(Damn. I sound a lil........(idk... bimbotic? gay?)